How much are you hiding yourself to avoid judgement?
How much do you need privacy to make sure that no-one can see what you do and be, and therefore can’t judge you?
Even if you say that you don’t care what other people think, you still perceive their judgements of you, and that can happen very unconsciously, without you noticing it at all.
I would keep a lot things just to myself and make sure that no-one would know much about me. I had a very high need for privacy. I thought that “I’m just the kind of person who likes to be on her own, without anyone bothering me because then I can do exactly what I want”.
The underlying point of view I had was that “I can’t behave as weirdly as I would like to, I can’t be totally me because it’s just too weird and I will be judged”. I didn’t really care what other people would think of me, but I was so aware of the judgements (without realising that I was aware of that) that it really just stopped me, made me hide myself. It doesn’t feel very nice to be judged.
So unconsciously I didn’t want to be judged. I was also judging myself for being aware of other people’s judgements, and letting them to affect my life. And at the same time thinking “What’s wrong with me, if I don’t care what others think, how come I can’t just do and be whatever I want?”
When I started to demand that I be me, no matter what, and in every situation, suddenly I didn’t need so much privacy anymore. Suddenly I realised how much I actually enjoy sharing my life with other people.
But the biggest change came with the realisation that I can perceive other people’s judgements, even when they don’t say or do a thing. Now that I’m aware of that, I can choose to be me, I can choose whatever I would like to do and be, knowing that maybe I will be judged but also that it doesn’t have to mean anything in my world. And how much fun can I have with all these judgements I perceive? What if they all are just interesting points of view?
Some people will always judge everything and everyone, just because that’s how they think it has to be. Without judging, you can’t know what’s right or wrong, good or bad, which is one of the most important things in this reality. Only if you know what is right, you can choose what is right, right? Except, that’s also a judgement… And how much fun is it to judge and be judged?
What if there was something completely different available? Something fun, caring, nurturing, and for example, total freedom? Total freedom to be whoever and whatever you truly are, choose whatever you desire, and have whatever you want.
A world, where everything is just an interesting point of view?
Instead of hiding and keeping things to myself I’m now more interested in what we can create, what else is possible beyond judgement, and how could this be more FUN?
What if everything is possible?